U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
