Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
