I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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