There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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