would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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