So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
