You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
