im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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