1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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