dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
