dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
