chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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