it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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