Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
