My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they need to just BURY HIM!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
