Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
