Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
