oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
