Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
