A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
