she woke up with a sticky ear
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
