how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
