We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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