there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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