I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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