well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
