dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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