I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm like, not good at living.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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