I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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