4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
