if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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