so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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