i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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