she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
