Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
