who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
