Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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