Whod you bang
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
