Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
