I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
