If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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