I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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