don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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