So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
