Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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