my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
