I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
