I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
