my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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