Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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