Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
