i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
