Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
