Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
