Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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