Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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