does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
