omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
