i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
