There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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