He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
