Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
