I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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