im drinking this country out of the recession.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
