You can't special order awesome
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
