I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize