He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
