i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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