I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
