I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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