After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
