brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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