Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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