Tell her she can't have a vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
