Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
