Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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