I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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