I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
