Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is the high leading the old right now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
