Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
